


who will offer me a warm embrace?

by mayaschuyler



Series: and you'll blow us all away [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Male-Female Friendship, angst is really hard to write :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 08:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5326685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayaschuyler/pseuds/mayaschuyler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theodosia closes her eyes, inhaling deeply and counting to ten. She can feel a panic growing in her belly, but she struggles to keep it at bay. She needs to stay grounded. Her phone buzzes.</p><p> <br/><b>philip:)</b></p><p><b>10:07</b><br/> </p><p><i>911 emergency</i><br/>come to lenox hill<br/>its philip</p>
            </blockquote>





	who will offer me a warm embrace?

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't a direct continuation of "when you smile i am undone". i think this series will focus more on philip/theo one shots, with maybe a few continuations here and there. i'm not quite sure yet, so we'll see how things go!
> 
> title not a direct lyric, but inspired by "make you feel my love" written by bob dylan (but wonderfully covered by the magnificent adele)

_15 Missed Calls_

 

_4 Voicemails_

 

Theodosia frowns. She'd gone downstairs for just a few minutes, restless after studying for an hour waiting for Philip to call. Their nightly FaceTime chats usually took place around 9:30, but she knew he had play rehearsals that evening, so when 9:30 came and went, she wasn't concerned. At 9:44, her snack cravings came full force so she quietly crept downstairs to make a sandwich. Her father had come home during that time, kissing her softly on the forehead and digging into the now cold leftovers. They'd sat for a few moments, a bit of small talk here and there. She noticed the bit of gray creeping into his heard, the bags under his eyes. She does her best to keep things in order, doesn't want to burden him with any more than he already has. Her father's a man of few words when he's not in the courtroom and she's watched him become a man of even fewer over the years. He kissed her again and shuffled up stairs. She cleaned up their plates and headed back to her room, hoping she hadn't missed Philip's call.

 

She stares at her phone, fear creeping up her throat. Philip never calls, his hatred of speaking on the phone well known amongst his friends and family. He needed the eye contact. A real connection. She'd always scoff, reminding him that he was a frequent texter. _"It's not the same, and you know it, Theo," he'd tease. "Texting is a pure necessity for convenience. Like during calculus or at the dinner table."_

 

She smiles softly at the memory when her phone chimes again. She hits  _Decline_ purely out of habit.

 

_16 Missed Calls_

 

_4 Voicemails_

 

Theodosia closes her eyes, inhaling deeply and counting to ten. She can feel a panic growing in her belly, but she struggles to keep it at bay. She needs to stay grounded. Her phone buzzes.

 

**_philip :)_ **

**10:07**

 

_911 emergency_

_come to lenox hill_

_its philip_

 

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," Theodosia's hands start shaking. She gasps, looking around the room frantically. Charles is on the bed, quietly washing her face, completely oblivious to her owner's oncoming panic.

 

She stops and tries to count again, her father's voice echoing in her head.  _Never act on impulse, Theodosia. Hesitation is crucial._  

 

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven—_

 

The vibrations start again and she picks up. "Philip?"

 

"Theo?" The voice on the other end is small, but even.

 

"Angie? What happened? Where are you?"

 

"Philip's hurt. We're at Lenox Hill. It's bad, Theo," Angelica's voice breaks and Theodosia hears her sniffle.

 

Theodosia straightens up. "It's okay, Angie. I'm sure he'll be fine. Who else is there with you?" She listens to Angie ramble on about doctors and fights and stab wounds. Three blows to the stomach. Surgery. Significant blood loss. Vital organs hit. Theodosia slips on the first pair of shoes she finds, not bothering to lace them up. "Angie, I'm leaving now okay? Tell Philip I'll be there soon, alright?" Angelica sobs softly, but complies.

 

"We'll put your name on the visitor's list. Theo, please hurry. I don't know how much longer he has."

 

When she hangs up, a loud sob escapes her. She slaps a hand over her mouth, eyes squeezed shut as she cries. She wants to be hopeful, but she's a pessimist at heart, courtesy of her father. She has to be realistic. Philip is hurt. Badly. Philip may die.

 

But Philip _can't_ die. He's the ray of light in their lives. He held his family together when the Reynolds scandal broke. He held her together when her mother died. He's strong in that way, always willing to let others lean on him when they need it most. If he goes, who will they lean on?

 

Theodosia wipes her face on her sweater, breathing heavily. _You have to calm down. You can't drive like this._ She stuffs her keys and phone into her pocket, pulls a hat over her frizzy hair. She spots Charles laying across her jacket and hums regretfully as she pulls it out from underneath the cat. Charles hisses softly.

 

"Oh, don't be like that, Charlie. I have to go." She slips her arms through, getting a bit tangled in her haste. She's considering leaving a note for her dad when her door squeaks, opening a bit.

 

"Theo, it's nearly 10:30. Where are you going?" He's in his pajamas, a bit disheveled. She feels guilty for waking him.

 

"It's Philip," his face immediately goes blank. "Something really bad happened and he's hurt and I have to go uptown to see him." She buttons up her jacket, hands trembling. "I have to go. Angie said it doesn't look good. I can't miss him, Dad. He can't die before I get to see him-"

 

"Theodosia," he interrupts her, gentle but firm. "Philip isn't going to die. He'll be fine. And you're not going there alone," he motions for her keys. "Go downstairs, I'll put some shoes on."

 

She deflates, handing over the key ring. Her heart is racing, images of Philip on a gurney red with blood, being wheeled through too brightly lit hallways, being cut open and exposed to the world. She imagines his heart, resting in his chest cavity, throbbing faintly, the beats coming slower and slower before they stop entirely. She digs her fingernails into her palms, attempting to break through the intrusive thoughts.

 

As they get into the car and pull out, she stares through the window, watching the city go by. Manhattan is never dark, not even late at night. There are always people, always lights, always a soft buzz of energy. As they make their way uptown, she feels the buzz fade. It's colder, darker. Her heart begins pounding again, but she feels like it's going to stop. The juxtaposition of city noise and ringing in her ears, the lights and shadows outside get blurrier and blurrier. She can feel something being pulled away from her and it freezes her to her core.

 

She hops out the instant they pull up front, the bright _Emergency Entrance_ sign a glowing lighthouse. Flurries are falling, the air much damper than it was only fifteen minutes ago. She ignores her father's voice, calling for her to slow down. Past two nurses on a smoke break, through the sliding doors, she hurries to the front desk. 

 

"Philip Hamilton," Theodosia can hear the edge of hysteria in her voice. The receptionist looks up, mild disinterest across her face.

 

She points a long nail at the clipboard on the desk, eyes going back to the computer in front of her. "Your name, patient's name and relationship to the patient."

 

She grabs the pen clumsily, hands shaking uncontrollably. Her name is barely legible and she pauses for a moment, pen hovering on the relationship column. 

 

 _Sister_. The writing is messy, but bold and sure. They are friends, more than friends even, but she's grown up with him, been with him through nearly every milestone. Romantic feelings and puppy love may fade, but they will always be close. The bond they have is unbreakable.

 

The nurse gives her a floor and room number, and when she gets into the elevator, she realizes her father is by her side, arms supporting her weight. She doesn't even know when her legs started to give out, but her dad is there, helping her step by step. She scans frantically, looking for any familiar faces when a loud scream comes from down the hall. They move quickly, turning a corner to find Alexander fuming at a doctor, Eliza kneeling next to a person on the ground.

 

"Angie, please baby, wake up." Eliza sobs, pulling Angelica's head into her lap. Theodosia feels sick when she sees Angelica's body convulse. Williams and James sit in the cold plastic chairs, frozen in fear. John is doubled over, face in his hands and Junior sits, trying to comfort a distressed Elizabeth. The toddler whines, clearly aware to the emotions in the room.

 

"Where's Philip?" Theodosia asks before she can stop herself. Alexander turns, noticing them for the first time. Eliza is softly murmuring to a still unconscious Angelica, a few nurses gathered to aid the fallen girl. Theodosia looks right at Philip's father, noting the redness and tears on his face. He shakes his head slightly, so slight she almost misses it. "No, no he can't..."

 

The doctor steps in, voice a practiced somber. "I'm sorry, but I believe it's time for you to start saying your goodbyes."

 

Eliza, hand still clasping her daughter's, wails. Alexander pales, unsteadiness setting in. The other children don't move, the shock of their family palling apart leaving them frozen and bewildered.

 

Theodosia's legs crumble, all her weight falling into her father. She thinks of Philip's bright smile, the freckles spread across his face. She thinks of his laugh, loud and stark. She thinks of the warmth of his hugs, his soft words of comfort.

 

She thinks of the emptiness around her as he goes into the ground.

 

She screams.

**Author's Note:**

> man, writing angst is haaaaard :(
> 
> i was thinking of writing an aftermath part to this, but idk i might just stick to fluff lol


End file.
